Have you seen the locusts in Boston? I never knew they existed in cities until I came to the New England area; however, the locusts seem to feed and breed in Boston - their home base. I can't say I see them often, but I know exactly where they've been. Similar to how their cousins fly over crops and devour all they see, the Boston locusts take to the streets in swarms and leave their mark, orange tickets, on several parked cars. The Boston locusts have also evolved more than their smaller more agile cousins. In the city, they take the shape of a parking enforcement officer. Yes, 5'5 - 6'2, sometimes male, other times female, and always donned in dark blue attire. These mercurial insects transform when they see a car missing its parking permit, another car stationed in a visitor's spot a minute longer than it should be or an innocent Mazda parked a tad too close to a fire hydrant. Orange tickets ensue. I was said victim parked too close to the fire hydrant and I have been wounded with the orange ticket of pain. But Ryan, my poor husband, has been the victim of the Boston locusts attack on several occasions - his Volvo's smell must attract the swarm. If you plan to visit Boston, beware of the mutant locusts; they are all around us. While I am unaware of locusts of this nature in Seattle, I do know the Boston locusts breed quickly and will soon outgrow their territory. "Locusts are sometimes solitary insects with lifestyles much like grasshoppers. But locusts have another behavioral phase called the gregarious phase. When environmental conditions produce many green plants and promote breeding, locusts can congregate into thick, mobile, ravenous swarms." "The Boston locusts walk the streets as solitary insects, looking for prey and ticketing their victims. In many instances; however, the locusts swarm the streets, especially during the weekend phase. When city conditions produce many illegal parkers and promote ticketing heaven, Boston locusts can congregate into thick, mobile, ravenous swarms."
When I first moved to Boston last January, I was consumed with how different life was on the East Coast. I basically thought people on the East Coast did and said everything wrong.
Why would you add "r" to the end of idea?
Who calls pop ... soda?
Why does everyone jaywalk in front of moving cars expecting the cars to stop?
Do all checkers at the grocery store ignore their customers?
Why do waiters give me water only after I place my order?
Where is the salt and pepper on the tables at restaurants?
Why do so many people throw their trash on the street without a care?
What's with everyone feeling like they are entitled to more?
How many times do I have to hear someone tell me they went to a really good university as if it's the best school in the U.S.?
Do I always need to wear rainboots when it rains?
Why do people swear so much more here?
Of course, those were only a few of the things I found weird and wrong on the East Coast during my first six months living in this "new world". Now having lived in Boston for almost a year, I have the following confessions to make.
I am used to hearing the letter "r" added or removed from words. It's natural - who wouldn't say "Foward" in place of "Forward". Idea"r" still gets to me, but it doesn't sound weird anymore.
I LOVE jay walking; it's much more effiecient than waiting for the crosswalk signal to give me the OK to go
Why would checkers be extra nice to me like on the West Coast. It's not like they get tips.
Not all people drink water like a fish as I do, so OK, I can wait for water or ask for it. I shouldn't expect it.
Salt and pepper shouldn't be on the table when I'm eating out. Resturants in New England are keeping me healthier.
People are entitled because they've been here the longest - seriously, it is called New England for a reason.
I always tell everyone that the journalism program at my college was one of the best on the West Coast - I had to join in with the others and brag about my college.
Yes, why wouldn't I wear rainboots. Seattlelites are crazy for not wearing them more often.
Fuck is my new favorite word.
Hence, I have become an East Coaster - I swear, I jaywalk, I say "suore" (my pronunciation of some words are changing) and I only say pop occasionaly now.
What have I learned? "Different" isn't wrong, it's simply a new way of doing things. I've basically learned that my "normal" way of living on the West Coast is not the "normal" on the East Coast and, you know what, I'm OK with it and have emabraced the "new normal" on the East Coast.
I'll end with a quote as usual. :)
Me: "I can get the pop for the party." My Boss: blank stare Me: blank stare back - What part of the sentence does she not understand? My Boss: blank stare Me: "Oh, I mean soda." My Boss: "Who says pop?" hahaha
